Equine Assisted Goals for Leadership Enhancement (a.k.a. The Horse Course)

This time last week I was already getting dirty. I was out on a ranch in the middle of nowhere, somewhere in Central Texas, and I was awaiting the arrival of the facilitators of the day-long course I had signed up for.

Anyone who knows me very well at all would be surprised by all of the above. Even though I live in Texas, I seldom go to ranches. I live in a suburban town (Temple) and am NOT an outdoors person. I love gardening, but I even do that in moderation. I usually don't like to be outside much because 1) I don't like to get dirty, 2) I sunburn VERY easily, and 3) the heat usually exhausts me. But one of the main reasons I don't like to visit ranches is because, (sorry to all my ranch-owner friends) -- they are smelly. I have a heightened sense of smell and I get a headache easily if smells are overwhelming.

Yet the course I signed up for and was ready to participate in last weekend was a personal growth workshop and it utilized horses. I NEVER would have signed up for a course like this except for the fact that my dear friend, Tim Manson, was the man leading the workshop. A fellow Toastmaster, we see each other once a week and Tim has always been supportive of my speaking endeavors and my children. We can always count on Mr. Manson to buy Boy Scout popcorn and when Alex's robotics team went to the international competition, Mr. Manson was one of the team sponsors. So when my friend, Katie Thieme, asked me to take his workshop, I decided I would be supportive of Tim and endure a smelly, hot, dusty (or muddy) day.

To my delight, my father, my best friend (Janet Scherer) and a number of other Toastmasters had decided to join us. Frank was out of town, so I was without my better half, but I was determined to make the most of the day. I believed it would probably be a once-in-a-lifetime workshop.

Here is Janet, Dad and me standing by the gate holding the saddles for a later activity.

Naturally, since Dad was driving and I was also in the car, we started the day by getting lost. Never mind I gave Dad a GPS for Christmas a few years ago. Ranches like the one we were looking for aren't on the GPS! But thankfully we have cell phones and with one call, we got turned around in the right direction and found our way to the ranch. This actually seemed to foreshadow this whole experience for me.

I didn't really know what to expect with this workshop but I hoped I would gain some vision about what I need to do with my life and my business. Everything is about to change for me. I only have 4 more semesters to homeschool Alex and then he will be ready to go off to college. He is chomping at the bit to leave! He has his heart set on Franklin W. Olin College in Massachusetts right now and that's a far cry from Temple, Texas. Instead of being a teacher, driver, principal, etc., I will be an empty nester. I know I need to lay the foundation now for me to be busy when he's gone or I'll be driving Joey crazy by visiting him too much at Southwestern.

When the horses first came into the corral I was amazed at their beauty, their spiritedness and their grace. This was the first time for them to be in that particular corral and they curiously explored everything (including the tents, tables and other human paraphernalia). They brought a child-like quality to the workshop that was perfect. Innocent, unassuming and trusting, I wonder if they had any idea what paces they would be put through on our behalf. Tim told us that horses live in the moment. I think we can learn a lot from horses just in that regard. How many minutes a day do we waste worrying about tomorrow or mistakes we've made in the past? There is something to be said for living in the here and now, being totally focused on only what is right in front of you and savoring the moment.

Unbeknownst to me, the horses would teach me much more than that. Our first task was to catch and halter a horse. Tim was ready to just let us go do it, but I had no clue what I was being asked to do, so I asked for help. Even if I caught the horse, I had no idea how I was going to put that halter on the horse and secure it. Tim kindly showed all of us what to do -- once. Janet, Laura and I formed a group and were told that each of us had to catch a horse and halter it. We noticed really quickly that if all three of us approached a horse, it would get spooked and run off. We decided to divide and conquer. Janet owned a horse years ago, so I knew she'd be fine, but I wondered how Laura and I would fare.

I wandered off in my dad's direction. To my surprise, he'd gone for Jack, Tim's miniature horse. Jack, we were warned, was a biter. He seemed to be the most spirited and curious horse in the pen. He knocked over the trash can and seemed to get into everything. He tried to be the leader of the pack, but Sky, the biggest horse amongst the group, put him straight. Everyone seemed a bit afraid of Jack after hearing how he'd bitten Tim in the backside just the week before and left a mark! Everyone except for Dad, that is. I watched as Dad bravely went up to Jack, spoke gently to him and easily put the halter on.

Dad actually putting the halter on Jack

Dad walking a caught and haltered Jack

Even after watching Dad catch and halter Jack, I didn't know if I could do it. I grabbed Tim and told him I still did not understand how to put the halter on. When he looked at Dad's halter, he laughed and told Dad that he'd done it wrong. Dad got credit for catching and haltering Jack, but he'd done it wrong. He released Jack and to my surprise, Jack let me catch him and halter him. (Meanwhile Dad caught and haltered another horse!) With Tim's help, I did it the right way. But I wanted to be able to do it myself (like Dad). I released Jack and looked for another horse. To my delight, Cherokee seemed willing to let me try to do it with him on my own.

Tim taught me to sling the rope around the horse's neck and catch it in a generous loop -- enough to "hold" the horse without actually being a lasso. My problem was how to hold the horse with the loop and still be dexterous enough to put the halter on. Somehow, Cherokee was patient enough with me to let himself be haltered.

While Cherokee eats, I attempt to put a halter on him

Here I am happily smiling after the deed is done!

Delighted I could do it, I looked for the other members of my team. Janet, of course, had caught and haltered her horse.

Here's Janet with Smoky, the horse she caught and haltered

But, as I suspected, Laura hadn't fared as well. She was still upbeat, but I could tell she was a bit frustrated at not being able to catch a horse. I told her about Tim's trick of using the rope to kind of lasso the horse and we worked together to catch her horse.

Here is a smiling Laura, after she haltered Easy

Laura and I take the halter off Easy

With our entire team successful, we headed back to the tents and discussed the activity. The main points I learned from this activity were: 1) you must confront the horse head on. If I tried to catch the horse from the side, it would just run away. I also couldn't touch the horse and expect him to stand still unless I had a rope around his neck, 2) once I had the plan in motion, I had to believe I could halter the horse and trust I could make it work and 3) I had to let the horse go when I was done.

This transfers to activities we must accomplish in real life. So many times I am more successful with the task at hand if I just confront it head on, believe I can do the task and actually trust my plan and then, when I'm done, let it go. I sometimes am hesitant to let go of a task and will try to perfect it. That is frequently a mistake and a time waster. I think I need to hold these lessons from this equine activity in my heart and let them guide me.

Our second activity sounded like it would be harder than it was. "Leadership in a Box" was the name of the activity and our goal was to create a team to catch a horse, guide him to a "box" -- which was a set of PVC pipes laid out in a rectangle on the ground -- and keep him there for 6 seconds -- without a halter or ropes of any kind.

My team consisted of Dad, Janet, Laura, Joan, Nancy and me. Dad immediately took charge of the group and decided that we needed to have 4 people stay at the box to stop the horse once they'd guided it to the box and only 2 to "catch" the horse. The goal was for everyone in the group to be responsible for getting the horse in the box. Our group was pretty successful. Four out of six of us were able to do it. The last two people had trouble catching the horse -- I think partly because the horses had tired of the activity.

Here you see Nancy with the horse in the box

Here are Dad and Joan with the horse in the box

I learned a number of things from that activity. The first thing I learned is that the leader doesn't always have to lead from the front. Some of our leaders wanted to catch the horse, guide it to the box and keep it there. Others knew that Dad was really good with the horses, so instead of doing everything themselves, they used our group's strengths to make the task achievable. Dad and Joan seemed best at catching the horse (although Janet and I did it, too). Laura and I were pretty good at bribing the horse with freshly picked grass. Laura and Nancy were good at helping to stop the horse. We all discovered that our task was much easier when we played on each other's strengths. I think we were successful because we all had the same goal, we were happy achieving the goal by whatever means necessary and we rejoiced in each other's successes.

Communication was key. Luckily, everyone in our group is involved with Toastmasters, so we practice communication on a regular basis. I think that really contributed to our ease with communication of ideas and how we felt we could comfortably rely on one another.

By this time, we had peeled down from 3 or 4 layers to just one. The wind had kicked up enough that we had to quickly stake the tents down before they blew away. We had eaten a bit of food and we were all getting pretty tired. The clock was ticking, too. It was closing in on 4:00 and many in our group had plans for the evening. Tim decided we had time for one more activity.

Saddle Up -- we had to split into groups of 3 and link arms. The center person was the "brain" and the other two people were the "arms" and here's the tricky part -- the arms couldn't do anything unless they were told to do so by the brain and they could only use their outermost arm! This was quite a challenge.

Nora, Tim and Joan demonstrate how we have to link up for the Saddle Up activity

Before we began saddling the horses, we had to clean them. It looked like our horse had been rolling around on the ground. He had a lot of dirt in his coat and much of it was dried mud. There were three different kinds of brushes to use. Only the softest brush could be used on the head and the legs. Stiffer brushes were used on the back, stomach and rump -- although we had to be careful in that area!

Here I am cleaning Sky

Janet and Nancy also clean Sky

After the horse was clean, we had to put a blanket on the horse and then the saddle. Laura and I (the arms) were arguably the smallest people at the workshop, so Tim took pity on us and gave us a light saddle to hoist on the horse. Jack had been put away earlier, so our horse was still pretty tall compared to Laura and me. The hard part was getting the saddle straight and in the right position. It seemed like each time we did it, it was either too far forward or too far back. When we finally got it on right, it didn't look crooked, but I'm glad no one had to get in that saddle to test it. I'm afraid it might not have been the best ride.

Janet and Laura pose with Sky after he's been saddled

The lessons from this activity revolved around being flexible and patient. Janet was a good brain, but she kept wanting to point to things and to help us out. It was a real challenge for Janet to simply give verbal commands. Laura and I, however, were persistent and in the end, it paid off. It delighted me that even though Laura and I were small, we were able to lift the saddle onto the horse together. Still, I am humble enough to know that we might not have achieved success had we been required to use a much heavier saddle.

After the final lesson was discussed, we started to clean up and get ready to go home. I was very tired, a little sunburned and extremely satisfied. I had been able to complete every mission with my team and I had a newly-found confidence. I was amazed I had been able to catch a horse, halter it, guide it to a box and finally saddle a horse. These are all activities I had never done before. I wasn't sure, at the beginning of the day, if I would be able to do everything Tim had planned, so it was a great delight to me that I achieved success. Clearly, I didn't do it on my own, but in real life, we don't have to accomplish all of our goals independently. In fact, it feels better when there is someone there by your side helping you achieve your goal. Then you feel a sense of community even as you are accomplishing your goal. And better than that, you have traveled along a road together, have experienced frustration together, worked out problems together and grown together. Because of this, I will always feel a certain "kinship" with my other workshop participants -- whether we were on the same team or not -- because we have weathered the storm together.

I can't believe how much I have gained from this workshop. As if the lessons themselves were not reason enough, it wasn't until the next day that I felt the full benefit from the workshop. Going home exhausted, I still managed to cook some spaghetti and homemade meat sauce for Laura, Alex and me. I was too tired to do the dishes until the next morning, but I had the most restful sleep I've had in a long time.

Usually I only sleep about 5-6 hours a night (although I really benefit from an afternoon nap when I can pull one off!) but after the personal growth workshop, I slept for 9 1/2 hours! When I awoke I felt more than refreshed. I felt revived. I awoke with a sense of clarity of purpose that surprised me.

In the week since the workshop much has happened. I wrote to a professor at UT about starting my Ph.D. after Alex goes to college. I am still waiting on a formal response from him. He remembered me and wrote to tell me he wanted to think more about my letter before giving me a formal reply.

What I realized, upon awakening, was that I didn't simply want to work on my business after Alex goes to college. While I love what I've done, and I know that I still need to work on marketing the books, my heart is not in publishing. My heart is in writing, speaking and doing research. I could spend the rest of my life trying to market my books, but that wouldn't make me happy. Helping other parents help their children to communicate better so they can lead a quality life like Alex -- that is what I want to do.

Upon awakening I felt a new sense of urgency to finish revising my HLHS Handbook, work on a new book that has been brewing in my head for the last couple of years and prepare myself adequately to enter a doctoral program when I finish homeschooling Alex.

I wish everyone could experience this once-in-a-lifetime leadership workshop. I think it would benefit everyone. There are so many lessons we could learn from the horses. This is one way for people to gain confidence in their own abilities and to prove to themselves that regardless of age, you can try something new and succeed!

To contact Tim Manson for more information about his workshops, visit his website: http://www.innovativehorizons.com/

Shaun White

Greetings, Friends! Facebook is a twitter with news about Shaun White! At least the congenital heart defect Facebook community is raving about this inspiring young man. Everyone is talking about "The Flying Tomato" -- an amazing 23-year-old snowboarding sensation.

What most people don't know is that Shaun White was born with a severe, congenital heart defect known as tetralogy of Fallot.

Tetralogy of Fallot was one of the first severe congenital heart defects for doctors to attempt to "fix." Dr. Helen Taussig is known for saving "blue babies" -- babies born with tetralogy of Fallot and other congenital heart defects which result in poor oxygenation, thus causing the babies to look blue. She, like Shaun White, is a hero.

Most people don't know that Dr. Taussig lost her mother at the tender age of 11 and that she suffered from dyslexia. Not only did she overcome her disability, she went on to earn a degree from Radcliff College and eventually earned a medical degree from John Hopkins University -- one of the few universities which accepted women at the time. Taking on an internship in cardiology, Dr. Taussig noticed something that had been missed by other doctors -- some blue babies lived longer than others and she realized why. There is an opening (patent ductus arteriosus) which closes shortly after birth. For some babies, the closing of their PDA was a death sentence. Dr. Taussig realized that if she could somehow keep the PDA open, or create an artificial pathway, blue babies could do better.

In 1941, Dr. Alfred Blalock met Dr. Helen Taussig at Johns Hopkins and she suggested the creation of a PDA. Thus began the collaboration of Blalock and Taussig (and Alfred Blalock's brilliant technician, Vivien Thomas) and a life-saving surgery often called "The Blalock-Taussig Shunt" which is sometimes part of a surgery needed to save children with other heart defects. My son had his B-T shunt when he had his Norwood Procedure, as do many children with hypoplastic left heart syndrome.

Thanks to Dr. Taussig and Dr. Blalock, some people born with broken hearts have a chance to live a normal life. Or in the case of Shaun White, an extraordinary life. I imagine Shaun White doesn't even know that Dr. Helen Taussig had to overcome prejudice against women and her learning disability and that Vivien Thomas had to overcome prejudice against African Americans in order to create the surgical technique that was probably used to save Shaun's life. What he doesn't realize is that just by virtue of the fact that he is competing in the Olympics, he is helping to defeat yet another prejudice -- the belief that if a child is born with a broken heart, he will not have a good quality of life. Shaun White is proof that even if a child is born with a broken heart, he just might go to the Olympics. He just might realize a seemingly impossible dream.

Congratulations, Shaun White! From one American to another, I'm proud you're representing our country in Vancouver. From a congenital heart defect advocate to a CHD survivor -- you're an inspiration and a joy to behold. Thanks to people like you, my son has a shining example of how a person's heart defect doesn't have to define him. I, like the Facebook community I belong to, applaud and honor you.

Baby Hearts Press February Special!

Greetings! Baby Hearts Press has a special for February - Heart Month. Buy a book and get a free item. See www.babyheartspress.com for more details!

Baby Hearts Press Interns!

Greetings, Heart Friends! I have some exciting news to report! Baby Hearts Press has two interns!

How did this come about? Vice-President of Marketing, Bob Daigneault, hired a life coach and has had to do various activities to satisfy his personal program. In the course of working toward his life goals, he had to take some tests. One of the tests showed his strengths and weaknesses. This test illustrated for President, Anna Jaworski (me), and Bob that Baby Hearts Press was not fully utilizing Bob's strengths.

Bob Daigneault was a classroom teacher for years before becoming an administrator first in the Killeen Independent School District and later for the San Antonio Northside Independent School District (one of the biggest in our state!). Bob's great strengths deal with helping people to reach their potential by training and guiding them in certain programs.

Together, we realized that we had a great opportunity to share what we've learned about publishing with an intern -- and meanwhile could gain some much-needed help in the areas of publicity and marketing. Bob created a proposal and sent it to Temple College and the University of Mary Hardin Baylor. Within the month, we had a chance to interview Thomas Bradley and we believed that working together would be a win-win situation. Thomas plans to self-publish a book someday and he hopes that by working with us at Baby Hearts Press, he will gain the knowledge he needs to be successful.

I was so excited about having Thomas join us at Baby Hearts Press that I posted a note about it on my Facebook page. To my amazement, Sheri Turner, a long-time friend, "heart" mom and congenital heart defect advocate posted a note stating she wished she could be a Baby Hearts Press intern. I was delighted!

After some discussion and consideration, Baby Hearts Press decided to offer Sheri an internship position as well. There certainly is more than enough work for two people! Sheri is currently working on a graduate degree in business and I'm sure she will be able to share some great information with Baby Hearts Press while she helps us help other heart families like her own.

Baby Hearts Press welcomes Thomas and Sheri to our small family and hopes our association will be a fruitful one!

Orlando Conference

Greetings, Heart Friends!

Last night was quite exciting for me. I gave the second part of a 3-part speech to my Toastmasters during our regularly scheduled Toastmasters meeting. It was about the need to find balance in our spiritual/religious life after our child is diagnosed with a congenital heart defect.

I have never spoken about this at a conference before. I want to thank Pepper Adair for giving me the chance to talk about this in Orlando. Pepper gave me a theme to work with when she hired me to deliver her keynote address to her audience in Miami, FL two years ago. The theme was on finding or creating balance in your life after your child's heart defect has been diagnosed. The next year (last year), when she asked me to speak to her parents in Panama City Beach, FL, she wanted to use the same theme. When she hired me to speak this year in Orlando, FL, I wasn't surprised when she told me the theme would be the same this year.

For Miami, my speech was largely about chores, normal developmental stages of development in children and how their normal development is enhanced when they are allowed to be contributing partners in a family. I gave suggestions for appropriate chores for different age groups and shared stories about children and their experiences with chores (both my own children and that of my friends). For Panama City Beach, we changed the focus so it wasn't quite so didactic and I had more stories and less "teaching" about normal development, although I still gave the handouts I had created the year before to help parents know what is normal and what isn't so they could address issues at appropriate times.

It has been so much fun to take a theme, create speeches for it and watch those speeches grow, change and blossom. I believe the speech I'm writing for this year's conference is the best one I've written yet. This year I'm focusing on finding/creating balance in 3 essential areas: 1) home, community and social network, 2) work/economic life and 3) spiritual/religious life. Because the economy is the way it is right now, I believe this speech is both timely and pertinent to today's parents. I hope the listeners enjoy hearing the speech as much as I've enjoyed writing it.

My second speech has been cut in time from 45 minutes to 30 minutes. I'll still be talking about Your Child's Bright Future -- just like in the 2 previous years, but this year it will be a little bit different. Pepper has also commissioned for a doctor who specializes in working with ACHDers to give a similar speech from the medical perspective. I can't wait to talk to the doctor who will be giving the medical speech. Pepper is so excited she's agreed to speak to the group. I'm hoping she'll talk to the young adults about the importance of taking their medicines, continuing with their regularly scheduled appointments and taking responsibility for their own healthcare so I don't have to dwell on that. I've already written a speech, but I might modify it after I speak to this doctor.

If any of you readers is going to be in the Orlando area on October 3rd, I hope you'll come to this conference. I think it's going to be very interesting and informative. I'm looking forward to hearing what the other speakers have to say. I'm also looking forward to seeing some old friends (I hope you're coming Bob and Linda!) and to making some new heart friends.

I hope everyone has a great week!

Sincerely,

Anna Jaworski
mom to Joey (18; heart healthy) and Alex (15; HLHS)
author of “Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome: A Handbook for Parents” and “My Brother Needs an Operation” and editor of “The Heart of a Mother” and “The Heart of a Father”
www.babyheartspress.com
www.congenitalheartdefects.com

Baby Hearts Press Special & Parent Conference

Greetings, Friends! It has been an exciting month! Last week all three of my guys celebrated a birthday. That means my oldest son (Joey) is now 18! Alexander, my "heart" son is now 15 and my husband is a year older and wiser, too. :-)

This has been an exciting summer since we released The Heart of a Father: Essays by Men Affected by Congenital Heart Defects. We have had book signings to help spread the news about the book, but now we've decided to offer an Internet special.

In order for people to own a library of resources from Baby Hearts Press, we are currently offering The Heart of a Mother, The Heart of a Father and My Brother Needs an Operation for the low price of $50 for all three! That's a $15 savings and only available at our home website: http://www.babyheartspress.com. You will not find discounts like that available anywhere else. Visit the website for more information.

We have also been working with Pepper Adair (American Heart Association Heart Heroes) on the parent conference for this year in Orlando, Florida. Here are the details:

When? October 3, 2009
Where? Orlando, Florida
What? Parent conference featuring experts in the field of congenital heart defects. This year will feature Anna Jaworski as the keynote speaker and other speakers from the medical community.
How Much Does it Cost? nothing! It's absolutely free, but you must register with Pepper Adair
How? Contact Pepper at heroes@heart.org or call her toll free at 888-255-1060 or if you're in Florida, you can call her directly at 561-697-6619

I'm really looking forward to the conference. Every year I put together a new speech and I've already started writing the keynote speech for this year. I'll be giving the keynote speech, one other speech (they'll have concurrent sessions this year in a variety of rooms) and I'll take part in a panel discussion.

I hope all my Florida friends will come to this event! Pepper and her staff always put on a fun conference. I'm always impressed with how hard the staff works to make it fun for the whole family. There are some whole family activities and then some special activities for the children while the parents listen to the other speakers.

I'll post more information on the conference as it becomes available to me.

The Twig Book Signing

Last weekend Bob Daigneault (Dad), Frank Jaworski and I drove to San Antonio to do a book signing at The Twig Book Shop. This is an adorable shop on Broadway in San Antonio. It is one of the exclusive bookstores that physically carries our books. Any book store can order The Heart of a Father: Essays by Men Affected by Congenital Heart Defects because it's in Ingram's database, but only a handful of indie bookstores currently carry our books.

Here are Frank and Dad at the table where we did the book signing:

Frank and Bob Daigneault (Dad) at the book signing table

Bob signing a book with Frank and Kevin watching

Several things made this book signing special. Claudia of The Twig really outdid herself by providing refreshments and making us feel welcome.

Refreshment Table & Welcome Sign for MLH and IMH

Mary Adair kindly sent out electronic flyers inviting members of her support group, Mended Little Hearts, to come to the book signing. Heather Collins of It's My Heart also let her members know about our signing.

Here is a photo of Heather's family:

Heather, Coleman and Kevin Collins

It was delightful to see people from the heart community come out in support of the book and us. Here is a photo of Brenda Cabaza (a nurse who works with Dr. Calhoon -- the surgeon who saved Alex's life):

Brenda Cabaza

One of the most wonderful things to happen at the book signing was for Dawn and Wayne Martin to show up! Dawn contributed to The Heart of a Mother and I hadn't seen her since we did a television interview nine years ago! I really enjoyed getting a chance to meet her husband for the first time, too. Here are some photos of us:

Frank, Wayne, Dawn and Anna (me)

Just Dawn and Anna (me)

Christy Lerma of Mended Little Hearts also showed up! It was wonderful to get a chance to meet her and talk to her about her son. Here is a photo of Christy, Dawn and me:

I would like to thank The Twig, all of the members of the heart community who showed up and Mary Adair for helping to make this book signing the success it was.